Consider sailors facing offshore knockdowns or transiting inlets with breaking waves. For me, that knockdown occurred aboard a friend’s Pearson (named Sauvage) while I helmed her offshore in big seas and fierce winds. My bad steering and our main sail control device caused Sauvage to roll severely onto her side. Fortunately, an instinctive response on both our parts quickly put her back on her feet with only damage to our pride and underwear.

Such frightening, awe-inspiring, experiences indelibly shape sailors’ future performance. Surviving these challenges hones skills that can be called upon again, proving the undeniable effect of experience.

The idea of a stable, immutable “self” is seductive, offering comfort in a chaotic world — a fixed “I” untouched by life’s triumphs and tragedies. This manifests in phrases like “I’m just not that kind of person,” or “That’s just the way I am.” However, this perspective is a comforting fiction that collapses under neurological, psychological and philosophical scrutiny. We are, inescapably, the sum total of our life experiences; our identity is not a sculpture but a river, continuously shaped by and meandering through every event from birth to death.

Biologically, the brain is not a pre-wired, static organ but a dynamic landscape sculpted by neuroplasticity. Every sensation, learned fact, emotional shock (including knockdowns!), and practiced skill physically alters the brain’s structure. Synapticconnections strengthen with repetition, new neural pathways are forged in learning, and unused connections wither away. The New York City Uber driver who memorizes the city’s labyrinthine streets develops a larger hippocampus. The violinist who practices for decades has a motor cortex tailored to their fingers’ movements.

Traumatic experiences can rewire the amygdala and prefrontal cortex, leaving lasting imprints on fear response and emotional regulation. The brain does not merely process experience; it becomes its experiences. To suggest a core self exists independently of this ever-changing substrate is to advocate for dualism — a “ghost in the machine”— that modern neuroscience does not support.

Psychologically, experience is equally definitive. Foundational theories of developmental psychology that I recall from an undergraduate elective, from Piaget’s cognitive stages to Erikson’s psychosocial stages, are built on the premise that we are constructed through our interactions with the world. A child consistently nurtured and encouraged develops trust and autonomy; one criticized or neglected may internalize shame or self-doubt.

These are not preordained traits but forged conclusions from countless micro-interactions. Our beliefs, values and prejudices are not downloaded at birth. They are absorbed from parents, culture, friends, and media. A person raised in a homogeneous community may hold certain assumptions, radically challenged and reshaped when exposed to new people and places. The “self” holding those initial assumptions is fundamentally altered by new experience, proving our worldview is not a fixed lens but a collage assembled from everything we have sensed.

A simple thought experiment illustrates this: Imagine identical twins separated at birth. Genetically indistinguishable, they possess the same raw potential. One is raised in a stable, intellectually stimulating home, the other in poverty and instability. To claim their “core selves” would be the same is absurd. One might become a confident academic, the other a resilient survivor, their personalities, aspirations, fears, and cognitive patterns diverging dramatically based solely on their lived histories. Their identities are products of their distinct journeys.

The counterargument points to temperament or genetic predispositions. It’s true we are not blank slates; we enter the world with certain biological wiring. An infant may naturally be more introverted or irritable. But temperament is not destiny, it is the raw material upon which experience works. A cautious temperament, met with supportive parenting, may develop into a prudent adult. The same temperament instead shaped by trauma could solidify into anxiety. Genetic predisposition is the seed, but experiences are the soil, sun, rain and storms that determine the tree’s final form.

Clinging to the fallacy of an immutable self is intellectually dishonest and existentially limiting. It allows us to abdicate responsibility for our own growth with excuses like, “I can’t change who I am,” or, “What does something from decades ago matter?” It fosters prejudice by essentializing others, seeing flaws or differences as inherent rather than products of unique journeys. Conversely, embracing the idea that we are our experiences is empowering and humbling. It means we are never finished. Every new book, conversation, failure, and act of courage participates in the creation of who we are becoming.

We are walking histories. Every memory, scar, lesson learned and joy felt is a thread woven into the tapestry of our identity. To claim there is a “true self” hiding behind this tapestry is to miss the point the tapestry itself is the self. We are not statues revealed by the chisel of experience; we are the cumulative layers of the chisel’s marks. Our life experiences are not merely events we pass through; they are the very substance from which we are made.

To believe otherwise is to ignore the beautiful, relentless, and ongoing construction that becomes “us.”

erialJohn Cronin is a Shelter Island Reporter columnist.

The post Guest Spot: The tapestry of self appeared first on Riverhead News Review.

After years of planning, eminent domain battles and public debate, what officials say will transform downtown into a destination is at last becoming reality.

We hope they’re right.

There’s reason for optimism. Joseph Petrocelli has a proven record — the Long Island Aquarium and Hyatt Place East End speak for themselves.

An 80-room Hilton Tapestry Collection hotel with condos and ground-floor retail could bring the kind of steady activity downtown Riverhead needs. Add in a public plaza, playground and amphitheater, and you’ve got real potential to undo decades of downtown decline.

But concerns remain, and Supervisor Tim Hubbard’s decision to dismiss critics as politically motivated obstructionists at an August Town Board meeting was unfair and unhelpful. Taxpayers have every right to question major development decisions without being accused of partisan obstruction.

Just three months after Mr. Hubbard praised Mr. Petrocelli’s track record at that same meeting, voters narrowly elected Pastor Jerry Halpin, a political unknown who campaigned on listening to residents, fiscal restraint and greater transparency in town government. Mr. Halpin won by just 37 votes in November. Friday’s groundbreaking may be one of the last times the public sees Mr. Hubbard in an official capacity before Mr. Halpin takes over Jan. 1.

Despite strong objections at public hearings, the Town Board voted unanimously to sign off on the deal. The town sold three properties for $2.65 million without competitive bidding. Whether that was legally permissible under urban renewal law isn’t the question — the question is whether it was wise. Did taxpayers get the best deal? We’ll never know, because no other proposals were sought.

The eminent domain proceeding that forced out Craft’D bar for a $120,000 settlement adds another uncomfortable layer. Using government power to seize private property for private development always deserves scrutiny.

Beyond the initial construction — slated to run through 2026 — taxpayers are on the hook for ongoing costs. Mr. Petrocelli’s firm will receive 7% of construction costs to manage the public spaces, plus $150,000 annually for 10 years to maintain the park. That’s $1.5 million in management fees alone, not counting the construction management percentage. 

Those aren’t abstract figures. They’re real taxpayer dollars flowing to a private developer for work the town’s parks department might otherwise perform.

The parking concerns are also worth taking seriously. Downtown already struggles during peak times. The development includes only 12 underground parking spaces for condo owners. The 80 hotel rooms and restaurant will rely on the planned First Street parking garage. That might work fine — or it might create a new problem.

None of this means the project is doomed. Many downtown business owners enthusiastically support the development. Letters of support flooded in from the Chamber of Commerce, Rotary and East End Arts. They see what Mr. Petrocelli’s previous projects have done for downtown. That track record counts for something.

Friday’s groundbreaking is a milestone, but it can’t be treated as a victory lap. The real test begins now.

The post Editorial: The real test begins after the groundbreaking appeared first on Riverhead News Review.

Response on key issues

Mr. Reitman’s Nov. 20 letter (“Explain this”) raises several questions. The answers are clear.

First, property taxes. Congress does not set school or property taxes — Albany and local governments do. Under single-party Democratic rule since 2018, New York now ranks 50th in the nation for tax climate, according to the Tax Foundation. What Congress did do, with my leadership, is deliver the largest federal tax relief Long Island has seen in decades: quadrupling the SALT deduction cap from $10,000 to $40,000; reducing taxes on tips, overtime and Social Security; and expanding small-business deductions. According to Newsday, the average Long Island family will save $2,860 next year — real relief offsetting the increases coming from Albany and local budgets.

Second, wars overseas. Republicans did not “end wars,” nor did we start any. What I have done is vote to ensure Israel can defend itself against terrorism, provide humanitarian aid to civilians, strengthen U.S. deterrence against Iran, and demand strict oversight and accountability for Ukraine aid. Violence in Venezuela is driven by the Maduro regime and is precisely why America must project strength abroad, not retreat from it.

Third, working families. That is why I’ve supported no-tax-on-tips, overtime tax relief, expanded R&D and small-business expensing, energy policies that lower fuel costs, and bipartisan bills protecting Medicare, SNAP, Meals on Wheels and other lifelines for seniors and families. Claims that these programs are being “cut” are inaccurate.

Fourth, shutdowns. I have consistently voted for clean, bipartisan funding bills — eight under President Biden and five under President Trump — to protect veterans, seniors, federal workers, and families who rely on government services. And while the Constitution requires Members of Congress to be paid during shutdowns, I placed my pay on hold in solidarity with those who were not receiving theirs.

My votes are guided by one principle: helping Long Islanders afford to live, work, and retire here. That is my responsibility — and I take it seriously.

Nick LaLota

Riverhead

Advice for young citizens

To all young citizens between the ages of 18 and 29: If you do not have decent housing, a job that can pay your bills, affordable and comprehensive health care, you should do the following. 

Register to vote if you haven’t done so, learn how to file petitions with the Board of Elections and become committee persons in the Republican and Democratic parties. If you are a Latino or Black youth, only one-third of you vote; you have to increase that. If you are white, less than half of you vote. God only helps the people who help themselves.

Warren McKnight

Greenport

Congress

Isn’t it about time that Congress (Republicans and Democrats) finally clawed back the powers that they have ceded to the Executive Branch?

David James

Cutchogue

Cutchogue’s Holiday Elves

The Board of Directors of the Cutchogue Civic Association would like to thank and recognize Joe and Helen Corso for once again decorating our hamlet for the holidays. For many years now, the Corsos have braved the elements, climbed ladders and hung holiday lights and decorations along Main Road. 

They are the perfect elves, as they just seem to appear out of nowhere, quietly hang the decorations without help from anyone, then disappear. Even more impressive is that in the often cold and snowy month of January, they will again climb ladders and take down the decorations, storing them until next year. We thank our “Holiday Elves,” Joe and Helen, for their continued support for our great Cutchogue community.

Marjorie Adams, Barbara Best,
Andy Brooks, Barbara Butterworth,
Pat Kirkpatrick, Carolyn McCall,
Rich Parlini, Mike Tiner, Dave Bergen

Board of Directors for
Cutchogue Civics Association

Mattituck

Voting matters

Trump pointed out that the system was broken (he was right) and that he was the only person who could fix it. Many people believed him. Well, his methods are making things worse, and I think it’s intentional.

In June, I Googled “What is Project 2025.” That’s when I became angry and terrified. As I’m sure you’re aware, our democracy is in peril, and Congress doesn’t function on our behalf.

What’s the fix? We are. Dwight Eisenhower said: “There is nothing wrong with America that the faith, love of freedom, intelligence, and energy of her citizens cannot cure.” We the people have been given the power by the founders, but we have to vote like we care about proper representation. We must hold those in Congress accountable to look out for our welfare and not cower when threatened by a bully.

The people in Congress have to understand that we, not the oligarchs, elected them. If they’re not representing the people, they’re not doing their jobs.

I understand that people typically vote according to party philosophies, but Congress has abandoned those philosophies to focus on job security. We must show them that the people determine their job security. In 2026, we have to restore the system of checks and balances that the founding fathers knew was critical to the survival of our democracy. This time, you can’t be complacent and just vote a straight party line. Look into the candidates.

If the current situation continues for another three years, there may not be any way to repair the damage. If there is a 2026 election, it will be the most important election of our lives. Let’s hold up our end of the bargain. First we have to save democracy. Then we can think about fixing it.

Charles Gueli

East Marion

Thank you

I never thought I would be writing a letter like this, but the time has come. Thank you to all those who put their faith in me to serve as Southold Town Assessor for five terms. Before this, I spent thirteen years in the private sector, in the same industry; all of which helped to make the transition to the assessors office in January of 2006, a rewarding and smooth one. With that being said, I have enjoyed helping the public at the counter, my office and in hundreds of homes I visited for those unable to come to Town Hall. The trust you afforded me to review and process sensitive documents, even in your own home, is what makes a small town like Southold a great place to live and work. 

I am not leaving the area but will no longer be your assessor. So, if you see me around… Don’t hesitate to stop and say hello!

It has been a pleasure serving the people of Southold Town for the last 20 years. 

Kevin Webster

Cutchogue

War in Ukraine

The following letter was forwarded to the White House and to the United Nations:

Just seven days after I was born in September of 1938, Germany invaded Czechoslovakia. On the 30th of that month, British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain’s Munich Agreement requested Czechoslovakia cede some of it’s territory to Germany in exchange for Hitler’s promise of no further territorial demands. That led to World War II.

In 2022, Russia invaded Ukraine. Now, three years later, we are considering asking Ukraine to cede part of Ukraine to Russia. Of course Putin will agree to no further territorial demands.

Do we really want World War III?

Richard Brewster

Orient

My vision

I found last week’s letter, “A Different Vision,” to be the most overbearing, high and mighty letter I have ever read. We don’t need a history lesson or the reciting of “Give me your tired…” 

Many of us are descendants of immigrants who came through Ellis Island. They were people who were sponsored by an American and had a job waiting for them. They assimilated and loved America for all its opportunities and freedom. You wrote, “Lincoln’s remarks echoed that he believed there should be no hindrances to those looking to improve themselves by coming to America.” But these are not the people coming here now! They are not looking to improve themselves. They are draining our resources and contributing nothing.

Our ancestors worked and did not want hand outs. The immigrants or better yet illegals, that have invaded our country, have not been vetted, many are terrorists. Two West Virginia National Guard members were recently shot by an Afghan National. Sarah Beckstrom died and Andrew Wolfe is in critical condition. And you do know about the Somalis who stole billions of welfare tax dollars in Minnesota? One of the most unbelievable and egregious scams in our history! Ask yourself why the Biden administration allowed this invasion? A new voter base? Or per Obama “to transform America”?

We are being invaded, plain and simple. Your fantasy of yesteryear’s immigrants is over!

Barbra LaCorte Latham

Cutchogue

Two questions

There’s a very nasty fellow named Rodrigo Duterte who is currently being held in the Hague by the International Criminal Court whose membership is made up of a majority of the world’s countries. Mr. Duterte, former president of the Philippines, is held on charges of crimes against humanity for extrajudicial killings of alleged drug traffickers. During his six years in office, the alleged traffickers were not given due process. On Duterte’s orders, they were just murdered. The number killed by Duterte’s henchmen ranges between 6,000 and 30,000.

Pete Hegseth, the U.S. Secretary of Defense (he prefers to call himself the Secretary of War) has presided over the violent destruction of more than 20 boats on the high seas, and the extrajudicial killing of more than 80 people. He recently presided over one attack by blowing up a boat with 11 people on board. Two survived and for about an hour tried to save themselves before they were hit with another explosion and killed.

According to experts in international law and the laws of war, the two remaining people who were alive were required to be rescued. Instead, they were slaughtered. All experts agree. If we are at war, then the killing of these two people constituted the crime of violating the laws of war. If we are not at war, then the killing of these two people amounts to murder.

The United States is one of the countries that has refused to join the International Criminal Court. On that score, Hegseth appears to be safe from the same fate that has befallen Rodrigo Duterte. But except for the number murdered, is there a difference between Duterte and Hegseth? Or is it just a question of how many murders it takes before the world does something about it?

Michael Levy

The post Letters to the Editor: Response on key issues appeared first on Riverhead News Review.

But I don’t always look on the bright side. To be honest, when things turn to worms, my immediate reaction is to stomp and slam cupboard doors, cursing my bad luck and snapping at the nearest living thing — any person, animal or even plant. (Though I do try to be nicer to my plants, because unlike people or pets, they don’t snap back.)

However, after I get that initial reaction out of my system, I default to the “bright side.” Things have turned to a bucket of worms? Good. Let’s go fishing. Life gave me lemons? Yay, let’s make lemonade.

That’s what happened in the IGA parking lot while talking with a friend. I heard the squawks of dozens of seagulls and,of course, I looked up. When I looked at my friend to say, “Don’t look up!” a seagull, or perhaps seven, let loose. On me. Direct hit. Hair, back, front, head to toes. People tried to help me but all that stuff does is smear. I drove home, cursing the whole way, wrapped in IGA grocery bags and threw out those clothes on my way to the shower.

How is there a bright side to being a target of an aerial poop bomb? Because it could have been worse. Way worse. Just a splitsecond before the assault I was gazing upward, mouth open, talking. Are you picturing it? Obviously, that’s the target they were going for. But the lemon-icing on the bird splat is that my friend bought me a souvenir T-shirt covered with fake seagull droppings. Yay me!

Often, when I force myself to look on the bright side, things turn out better than I’d ever expect, or dare I say deserve, which is what happened with me and Bruce Springsteen. Yes. That Bruce Springsteen.

He was on his “Born to Run” concert tour, and we got free tickets through Coecles Harbor Marina because Billy Joel was their customer. After a threeplus- hour drive to the Meadowlands, we were to grab our tickets at will-call. Since the tickets were free, I was expecting nosebleed seats, but that was okay because, Bruce plus Free equals Jackpot! But “Yay me!” turned into a bucket of worms real fast when our tickets were not at will-call. And the show was sold out, which was probably a blessing because even the cheap seats were hundreds of dollars.

Who knows if it was name-dropping “Coecles Harbor” or “Billy Joel,” but after a few minutes we were handed off to a lady with a clipboard and a walkie-talkie who said, “Follow me.” I wiped my tears and we followed as she led us not up, but down, down, down, to the rows of seats in a dark area behind the stage. By then I was sputtering, “Forget this! Let’s go home!”

My companion tried to calm me by saying, “Calm down!” (In recorded history, when has saying “Calm down!” ever worked?)

I tried though, telling myself that the bright side was a nice ride from Shelter Island to New Jersey. And back. Yay me.

And just like that, things got brighter as we followed Miss Walkie-Talkie past the back of the stage to the floor level, finally stopping in the high-rent district, at two front-row seats just feet from the stage. So close I could look up Springsteen’s nose and by the end of the concert, when he was drenched and spraying sweat, it landed right on me. I kid you not. I could have reached out and touched his boot if it wasn’t for the mean-looking security guard who was already keeping an eye on me. What started out as a bummer turned into a great night.

A more recent “bright side” event happened last month after I’d donated a purse to a thrift shop. I’d swing through every week and it bothered me enormously to see it still there, forlorn and rejected by other thrifters. Finally, I paid the stinking $5 and bought it back. So what’s the bright side of that, paying again for a purse I didn’t want and no one else did either?

Tucked inside was a hundred-dollar bill I’d forgotten that I’d stashed into the deepest pocket when I bought the purse (the first time). Yay me! Of course, my “bright side” cheated some other thrifter out of their “Yay me!” moment, but come on, they had three weeks.

If there’s a lesson here, I guess it’s to try to always look on the bright side. And also in the deepest pockets.

Joanne Sherman is a Shelter Island resident and longtime contributor to Times Review Media Group.

The post Guest Column: The bright side appeared first on Riverhead News Review.

Climate Trace says the super emitters on Long Island are power plants in Holtsville, Shoreham/Wading River, Northport, and two harbors, Port Jefferson and Greenport. According to Newsday, “The figures for the two harbors are calculated by adding emissions from ferries and other boats that come and go from that port, Climate Trace explained: ‘Frequent domestic vessel traffic can also contribute significantly.’” Cause for alarm? Steps to be taken? No way, says the Environmental Protection Agency, led by former East End congressman Lee Zeldin. In fact, all this stuff is, according to President Trump, Mr. Zeldin’s boss, “a scam.”

Last March, Mr. Zeldin laid plans to reverse multiple regulations protecting us from air and water pollution. Mr. Zeldin has been quoted saying, “We are driving a dagger straight into the heart of the climate change religion.” Religion? Or a scam? Or the truth Big Oil and Big Coal don’t want you to hear?

As we’ve said before in this space, it’s baffling that there are still people who deny that climate change and severe weather patterns are caused chiefly by the burning of fossil fuels, something documented by an overwhelming consensus of scientists and scientific organizations. Disbelieving the evidence is on par with the belief that the 2020 presidential election was stolen.

Mr. Zeldin, when he represented the East End, was in the main a moderate. But now he’s had a road to Damascus conversion, completely on board with the administration. As The New York Times reported: “Mr. Zeldin has withheld billions of dollars in climate funds approved by Congress, tried to fire hundreds of employees, recommended the elimination of thousands more EPA . scientists and started trying to repeal dozens of environmental regulations that limit toxic pollution. He has filled the leadership ranks at the agency with lobbyists and lawyers from industries that have fought environmental regulations.”

What is to be done? One place to start is to listen to the environmentalist and clean-energy advocate Robert Swan, who said, “The greatest threat to our planet is the belief that someone else will save it.”

The post Editorial: The air we breathe appeared first on Riverhead News Review.

Supervisor race

The results are in. The voters have rejected the soon-to-be ex-supervisor. While the tally was close, it is, in fact, a resounding repudiation of the supervisor by a very weak political neophyte Democrat candidate in a Republican-leaning town. 

Mr. Hubbard’s tenure was marked by a 14% increase in taxes in just two years, fiscal irresponsibility, an arrogant total disdain for the state tax cap and ill-conceived, poorly considered, unpopular proposals. In his first budget — which he called “bare bones” in an incredible display of arrogance — he tried to give himself a raise in excess of 8%. This first “bare bones” budget also included a large salary increase for the rubber-stamp Town Board.

Good luck to the new supervisor. Unfortunately, he inherits the same arrogant tax-and-spend Town Board, but maybe they learned something from this election. If not, they themselves should be voted out in the next elections.

Scott Gillespie 

Riverhead

Time to follow the rules

In response to “ICE raids and deportation”, (Letters, Nov. 18), I offer the following:

While it is convenient in the current political environment to blame all the immigration ills on former President Biden and his administration, this would only be a small fraction of a much larger story. 

I am compelled to remind readers that in 1986, President Ronald Reagan signed the Immigration Reform and Control Act (IRCA), granting amnesty to nearly 3 million undocumented immigrants living in the United States. This was passed by Congress and signed by President Reagan with various proposed justifications, but the bottom line was it gave businesses cheap labor that was welcome in many industries. 

Since the passing of this legislation 39 years ago, no president, Congress or government agency, Republican or Democrat, has followed immigration policy 100% — and that even includes the first Trump administration. There has been plenty of talk about policy, talk about reforms, talk about passing new laws, chest pounding about building walls that Mexico did not pay for, and still nothing but sound bites, blame, random raids, both proper and improper deportations, and more. Every president since Reagan has deported foreign criminals when they are known and the deportations are processed correctly, with some being more aggressive than others, but they have all done it. 

The issue with the current administration is not what they want to do, but how they are doing it. We have rules that must be followed, due process and procedures to minimize errors like some that we have recently seen. This is why previous administrations did not have large scale raids scooping everyone up, because that fixes one problem by creating another.

Glen Sherman 

Baiting Hollow

Woodcliff Park

A million short-term Airbnbs. Woodcliff Park is the villages of New York with rentals. It’s awful.

M. Kusher 

Greenport

Gratitude

Gratitude is often presented as an indulgence to be offered only when everything in life is going well, allowing us to perceive and appreciate what we have. It is hard to practice, especially when life’s circumstances and the current status of the political and social environment leave a cynical, bitter taste in one’s mouth. 

With Thanksgiving, the core ideals are gratitude and thankfulness; the latter word itself is woven into this tradition. But how to express gratitude — and why does it even matter?

Expressing and practicing gratitude does not negate the negatives in life’s path, but instead recognizes the positives that accompany it — small things, like the sandwich you ate, to large things, like having good friends. Practicing gratitude, such as journaling or listing positive things that happened that day, has psychological and health benefits, including lower stress, a stronger immune system and, obviously, less mental distress. While it is hard to do and easy to say, gratitude helps us build greater resilience in times that often feel troubling.

This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for having a great family and my dog.

Anthony Kuczynski 

Mattituck

Thank you

I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who came out to support me for Mattituck Park District commissioner on Nov. 20. I really appreciate your support. I’m looking forward to continuing to work with the community. It’s an honor to be reelected.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas, happy holidays and a prosperous New Year. Thank you,

Denise Goehringer-Geis 

Southold and Orient

The benefits of buying local

Buying local unlocks the power of our shopping dollars to benefit all of us.

Thank you, Suffolk Times, for your editorial “Staying close to home.” We agree. And why not enjoy holiday shopping by choosing local boutiques, bakeries and shops? For one-of-a-kind items or special gifts, our area offers a wonderful variety of art galleries, flower shops, wineries and much more.

The future of the North Fork is in our hands; our purchase decisions have power. We have the potential to create the world we want. To a small business, every sale matters. A reminder: For $100 spent at a locally owned business, almost $70 recirculates into our community, reinvested into local jobs, schools and community programs. When we buy from farm stands and farmer’s markets, we support our neighbors and preserve the unique rural character of our region. Also, shopping close to home means fewer long-distance deliveries and less mileage on our cars!

Dorothy Crenshaw and Mary Morgan

Southold

Tackling cyber failures

Suffolk County’s recurring cyber failures demand stronger reporting and stronger leadership

In December 2021, cyber criminals breached Suffolk County’s networks and remained undetected for nearly nine months. They created accounts, stole files and captured officials’ passwords. Using their foothold in the county clerk’s network, they moved into other systems, including the health service. When discovered, 10,000 email accounts were locked and equipment was disabled to stop the spread. Although an urgently recommended update existed that would have prevented the attack, Suffolk’s fragmented IT landscape couldn’t apply it consistently. A report later cited lack of central leadership as a root cause. Remediation was estimated at $25 million.

Nearly four years later, last week’s paper reported that Southold’s servers were hit again, revealing a response plan still no more sophisticated than unplugging the town firewall. The Times did not quote an IT leader (perhaps because one still doesn’t exist), did not reference the 2021 breach or any progress since and relied largely on Mr. Krupski’s minimization of the outage.

I urge the Suffolk Times to cover this issue in more depth to hold our leaders accountable for modernizing security. Without this pressure, residents should expect more outages and wasted public money.

Tom Hayes

Southold

Killing stranded seafarers

Article 12 of the Second Geneva Convention of 1949 (GC II) requires that shipwrecked persons at sea be “respected and protected.” In 1987 and 2017 it was affirmed that such persons continue to have protected status unless and until they commit an act of hostility or continue to fight against the enemy.

I’m not a lawyer: but several lawyers have opined in recent days that issuing a second strike to kill the helpless people who survived the first strike was a clear violation of the above cited rules of war.

Today, I called Representative LaLota (a retired Navy veteran) and asked him to comment on this issue. No one answered so I left a voice message.

The ordered execution of the people manning these fishing boats (purportedly running drugs) may be illegal. Second strikes to kill survivors appears to be pure murder. Yet, Trump announces that he is pardoning the ex-president of Honduras, who was convicted by a jury in Manhattan in 2024 and sentenced to 45 years in prison for conspiring to import cocaine to the United States.

Today, I saw Trump claim that the Biden administration set up the ex-Honduran president. This manipulation of facts is worse than George Orwell’s “1984.”

The lawlessness of the Trump administration is breathtaking.

Contact Representative LaLota and ask him to respond directly to this issue.

Dick Sheehan 

Cutchogue

Expressing thanks

I wish to publicly thank Representative Nick LaLota for committing to vote “Yes” on the House vote to release the full Epstein files. Mr. LaLota’s staff confirmed this to me on Friday, Nov. 14, which was two days before President Trump publicly reversed his position on the Discharge Petition vote to support the release.

I wish also to thank Mr. LaLota for being the last of two Republican signatures needed for the Discharge Petition to force a House vote to repeal Trump’s Executive Order stripping union rights from federal workers.

I am proud to see Mr. LaLota standing up against some of the abhorrent policies of the Trump administration, and I urge him to continue to vote for the best interests of his constituents here on Eastern Long Island, rather than the best interests of Trump, MAGAs or Project 2025.

Barbara Farr 

Southold

More poisonous PFAS

Last month, under EPA administrator Lee Zeldin, two new “forever chemical” (PFAS) pesticides were rushed through approval. Cyclobutrifluram – for lettuce, soybeans, cotton, golf courses and lawns — was approved on Nov. 5 and Isocycloseram – for potatoes, tomatoes, broccoli, citrus, almonds, turf and home pest control — on Nov. 20.

These chemicals never break down. They contaminate groundwater, accumulate in food and are linked to cancer, immune disorders, liver damage and reproductive harm. Isocycloseram is also deadly to bees — up to 1,500 times the lethal dose. Will our local farmers spray these on the food we buy? Will golf courses and landscapers spread them where our kids play?

Lee Zeldin is overseeing the deliberate poisoning of our land and water. The only way to stop it is at the ballot box in 2026 and 2028. Vote for candidates who will ban PFAS pesticides and hold the EPA accountable before it’s too late.

Mark Ghuneim 

Greenport

Well contamination

I find it so disheartening that the owner of the contaminated well (“Forever chemicals.” Nov. 27) has opted for plastic bottles of water to be delivered weekly. Where does everyone think the plastic bottles will be going after their one time use? If you answered “our landfill” you would be 100% correct. Decomposing in our soil for the next generation to deal with.

Cathy Haft 

Orient

Just a matter of time

To reiterate, the flashing yellow light and the left turning lane going into Greenport on the North Road (CR 48/Sound Avenue) worked just fine for many years! But some moron in our state government decided that we needed a circle there. It’s just a matter of time before there is a serious accident. So far I’ve seen back-ups going east and west as people yield to cars going in all directions. The pile-ups have caused people to honk and get enraged. 

I saw a truck the other day that stopped to let the cars pass and got harassed by the cars behind him. Another day a large truck couldn’t make the turn and had to go up on the curb. Wait until a 16-wheeler tries to navigate that circle.  And it’ll be total chaos next summer, when ferry traffic explodes. Good luck!

Barbra LaCorte Latham 

Peconic

A different vision

There always has been talk about immigration into this country. There are places that deal with that issue in a positive manner. We have had Castle Clinton in lower Manhattan, which was built on an old fortress now called Battery Park, where some 8 million immigrants passed through. We have had Ellis Island, which was also built where a fort once stood and where 12 million immigrants passed through. In both places there was help for immigrants who were like so many of our own grandparents And in New York Harbor, there is statue where upon it is written: “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore, Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

Then there is the 16th president, Abraham Lincoln, who on a 12-day journey from Springfield, Ill., to Washington, D.C., stopped in dozens of towns and cities, giving speeches. On Feb.12, 1861, in Cincinnati, Ohio, Lincoln’s remarks echoed that he believed there should be no hindrances to those looking to improve themselves by coming to America. He said: “If there are any abroad who desire to make this the land of their adoption, it is not in my heart to throw aught in their way, to prevent them from coming to the United States.” Lincoln believed in the promise of America, and he viewed it as a promise that all could partake in, regardless of national origin.

That speech inspired the Encourage Immigration Act (Pub. L. 38–246, H.R. 411, 13 Stat. 385, enacted July 4, 1864), a federal law passed by the 38th U.S. Congress and signed into law by President Abraham Lincoln. It was the first major American law to encourage immigration.

Why can’t the present administration see what the 16th president saw?

Joel Reitman 

Southold

Gambling fears

More casinos approved for New York City. We have lottos of every description, and you can bet on almost anything from the comfort of your home. Am I alone in thinking we are on a slippery slope by a) relying on gambling income in our school and government budgets and b) really concerned about the wellbeing of people who think winning at games of chance will solve their financial woes? 

I don’t assume to have the answer. We have learned from history that prohibition of most things does not work. I consider myself lucky, I’ve bought lottery tickets and been to casinos in Las Vegas and on cruises and have not been tempted to bet more than I can afford. I don’t know why except maybe I dislike losing, but I have a real concern for the government counting on income from casinos and other gambling activities to run our states.

Rosellen Storm

Cutchogue

Say goodbye to Pete

Donald Trump is not known for admitting responsibility for screw-ups. Enter Pete Hegseth, the country’s hapless Secretary of War (as he calls himself — it used to be Secretary of Defense when sanity still prevailed).

Commentators with the requisite military, political and legal backgrounds have gone public and concluded that from all appearances, Hapless Pete ordered the murder of two civilians on the high seas without justification. His so-called “War Fighters” attacked a civilian boat which, from a video of the craft, appears to have had only people on board. Hapless Pete ordered the U.S. military to blow up the boat with everyone on it and to “kill them all.” However, after the explosion and the destruction of the boat, there were still two of the 11 people on board alive and hanging on to the wreckage. So, Pete ordered what’s called a “double tap” – a second strike that would kill the survivors.

By every reported standard, Pete’s order was unlawful and amounts to either a war crime or murder or both. And that’s who’s now in charge of our American military.

The heat has been turned up on the Trump administration. Donald first claimed to know nothing about what happened. Then he said he has 100% confidence in Hapless Pete. But the issue is not cooling off. It’s getting hotter. There’s a good chance by the time this letter is printed, Trump will claim his Secretary of War lied to him and he’s fired.

So, say goodbye to Pete. And good riddance. In a perfect world, he’ll be indicted by the International Criminal Court and never be allowed to leave the country for fear of getting arrested for these deaths.

Michael Levy

The post Letters to the Editor: Supervisor race appeared first on Riverhead News Review.

New Year’s Eve lived up to its name as Amateur Night for those drinking before they turned pro. But it was also a nightmare of people from Omaha coming to New York to see the ball drop and thinking a yellow cab was some kind of tour bus where a friendly driver with amusing patter would show them the sights.

Still, you did make good money, even if it produced cabbie PTSD that could last into March. 

About Thanksgiving, I should have listened to my friend Donahoe, a former cabbie who scored a job as a police photographer. Low man on the totem pole, he was assigned the 4 p.m. to midnight tour one Thanksgiving, shooting mugs in the basement of the precinct house. “The usual parade of skells and knuckleheads, but now and then there’d be a regular person standing with the height numbers behind him, looking at the camera like he was about to be hanged,” Donahoe said. “A cousin, who’d been invited by some family member who thought he’d finally make up with a relative he hadn’t talked to in years — and who hated him. But too many cocktails and it started all over again. Fistfights and, you know, at Thanksgiving you have those big serving forks? And knives? It was awful, these guys in nice clothes with blood on their shirts, asking me what came next, you know? What could I tell them?”

Mary and I got married in August and on Thanksgiving, figuring we could use the money and then have a long weekend, we had the meal and did the family thing before I went to work.

There were just a few guys waiting for cabs to come in off the day line when I took a seat on the bench next to Fitz. He was an old guy who was one of the great raconteurs. Everybody — from the young Black, Latino and white guys to the old cabbie wizards — talked and listened to him.

Fitz was an immigrant who came to America as a young man and achieved the dream. He started out selling insurance and worked up to running his own agency in Queens, getting married and starting a family.

But then he lost it all, through years of betting on slow-running horses. Coming to his senses at rock bottom, he got help and started over, driving a cab. He helped some other guys in the garage to find help.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he greeted me. “Get out of here. Don’t you have a home to go to?”

I told him I’d heard it was a good night to work. Lots of happy and generous people splurging on cabs. Plus, all the restaurant workers and everyone else punching clocks on Thanksgiving would be ready to treat themselves by hailing a cab home.

“But you didn’t answer my question,” Fitz said, and told me a story.

One Thanksgiving afternoon, he got a fare 20 minutes out of the garage on Park Avenue, an elderly man, holding a bouquet of two dozen roses, dressed in a three-piece suit, a camel’s hair topcoat, leather gloves and a jauntily angled fedora.

“The smell of those flowers in the cab,” Fitz said. “The smell of money.”

The old gentleman gave him an address in Little Falls, N.J. Any trip beyond the city limits automatically meant the fare would be doubled.

“I told him about double the meter and he knew all about it. I thought, ‘I’m gonna be rich tonight, mining gold in Jersey.’ ”

The dapper old gentleman was going to his brother’s, he said. He and Fitz chatted about Thanksgiving, covering everything from the proper way to cook a turkey to whether the Lions had a chance against the Packers. “He directed me to Little Falls and then started to direct me through the streets,” Fitz said. “It was already dark when he said, real quiet, ‘Here. Here we are.’ ” It was a cemetery. The passenger directed Fitz in through the gates. “I saw him in my mirror slumped in the back, his face white as a sheet. Staring straight ahead.”

The passenger told Fitz to stop and wait for him, got out and climbed a hill with his bouquet, stopping at a grave. “After a while I could see his shoulders heaving,” Fitz said. The bouquet was hanging straight down from his hand, touching the ground. Fitz waited 20 minutes before he got out and went up to the man and put his hand on his shoulder. He had pulled himself together by then, putting the flowers on the grave, drying his eyes.

Back in the cab the man apologized, saying he was alone today — some kind of old family dispute — and had suddenly wanted to be with his only brother, who had been kind to him. He had somehow neglected to express his love for him when he was alive. “I’m alone and so is he,” the man said.

Fitz suggested a cup of coffee. “We went into a diner, sat and talked. He was a terrible old man, really,” Fitz said. “Tossed his life away by not paying attention to those nearest to him.” On Park Avenue the old gentleman paid the double fare. “And stiffed me on the tip,” Fitz said, with a smile.

“A real prince,” I said.

“Where’s the wife today?”

“Home,” I said.

“What are you doing here?” Fitz asked, his voice soft. “Do you have to work today?”

I took the subway home, and going down the hall to our apartment, I saw the light under the door.

It was then I realized I’d forgotten to ask Fitz why he was working on Thanksgiving. 

The post Guest Column: A working holiday appeared first on Riverhead News Review.

A political survey

Raise your hand if you voted for this:

1. A president betraying Ukraine and forcing them to accept giving up territory to a war criminal who committed illegal aggression.
2. A president who betrayed his campaign promise to lower prices on Day 1, instead imposed irrational tariffs that increased inflation and then lied about doing it.
3. A president who ordered National Guard and U.S. military into American cities to combat non-existent crises.
4. A president who defies international law by bombing small boats off the coast of Venezuela without knowing whether they contain drug runners or fishermen.
5. A president who himself avoided military service, but calls for the jailing and execution of six decorated members of Congress for restating the Military Code of Conduct they served under.
6. A president who fought vigorously against releasing the Epstein files.
7. A president who stonewalled during the government shutdown in order to raise health care costs for millions of Americans.
8. A president whose cuts to foreign aid have already caused sickness, death and/or food deprivation for two million people around the world.

Congressman Nick LaLota, look around!

You’re the only one with your hand still up!

Jerry Silverstein 

Southold

Shop the community

This holiday season, you might be surprised by how many great gifts are closer than you think. The North Fork is full of them.

It’s still tempting to do all your shopping without leaving the couch — tap an app, scroll a little, hit “Buy Now.” We’ve all done it. But some of the most memorable gifts — the ones that feel personal and truly thoughtful — come from right here in our own community.

From handcrafted jewelry, artwork and clothing in our village shops to local wine, gourmet treats and restaurant gift cards, the North Fork offers something for everyone. You might give a spa day, a home design consultation, a family photo session or tickets to a local performance. And for the practical gift-giver, consider a landscaping service, a heating tune-up or a month of dance or fitness classes — gifts that are both useful and supportive of your neighbors.

Shopping locally does more than add meaning to your holiday giving. It strengthens our community. Every purchase supports local jobs, fuels other small businesses and helps keep our downtowns vibrant. It’s a simple choice that has a real impact.

So before you open an app, take a moment to look around the corner. Visit our shops, restaurants and wineries — or explore the North Fork Chamber’s online business directory — to find local options for everyone on your list.

When you shop local, you give twice: once to the person receiving the gift and again to the community that makes the North Fork such a special place to call home.

Wishing everyone a joyful, meaningful and truly local holiday season,

Judy McCleery

president, North Fork Chamber of Commerce

Southold

YMCA? Yea!

So excited about the potential for a YMCA in Southold. A place to swim year round, take water aerobics, water strengthening and fitness classes, and engage in community activities. The therapeutic benefits for those of us with arthritis or recuperating from joint and medical procedures are enhanced by water resistance exercises.  Aside from adults and seniors benefiting from use of indoor pool(s), a facility provides children, toddlers to teenagers, opportunities to learn how to swim — so essential with our water-enriched topography. 

Programs are not weather- or seasonally dependent, and enable lifelong learning, using a Red Cross structure. Swim teams, lifeguard training, stroke training and employment opportunities are all value added to our communities and to individual health directions. This is in addition to the social bonds and friendships fostered by YMCA classes. 

Traveling daily to Riverhead to swim at the community college is not ideal. The membership cost is not feasible for all and it doesn’t offer any children’s programs. We need a local YMCA — it’s a long time coming. How can we not support this proposed project?

Jane Kaminski 

Southold

Honesty is the best policy

What an extremely impressive man Ken Burns is. He has made so many extraordinary films about this country and our experiences. His impact is remarkable for me and many others. So very important, in these difficult times, “The American Revolution” is on so many levels. Talk about division.

The series shows how our country and the founders we revere are flawed. It is written: “All men are created equal.” And yet, the author of those words, Thomas Jefferson, was a slave owner. We like to think that we were for independence. And we were, for the Patriots fighting the English. At the same time, owning slaves was fine, as was destroying American Indians. 

This film acknowledges our warts and foibles. It is history. History should not be whitewashed. We need to be honest with ourselves, our children and our legacy. I really believe that if we, and our elected representatives, acknowledge that we have a flawed past and are flawed people, we will be better for it.

Rosellen Storm 

Greenport

Thank you

Thank you, Town of Southold, for the opportunity to serve as your Trustee for one term and as Assessor for two terms. We are blessed to live in a free and safe community. I wish Ken Poliwoda and Leah Sullivan the best success as future Town Assessors. I want to thank Claire Glew and Kevin Webster for their years of hard work and for picking up the additional work in my absence serving in the Middle East. Iraq and Syria just underwent their elections, too. These elections are not quite as free and safe as ours. I don’t think anyone in Southold who went to cast a vote feared a suicide bomber or worried that someone from a political party would knock on their door to intimidate a vote rather than solicit one. We forget: It was not that long ago that ISIS terrorists killed American citizens as they swept through Iraq and conducted attacks around the world. We forget because our attention understandably is focused on what we see around us. In Southold we are safe from the terror that exists outside our borders. This safety comes at a price, which is paid by both service member and citizen. Serving in the New York Army National Guard as a citizen Soldier means one is willing to serve both internationally and domestically. When a hurricane hits, the National Guard Soldier is pulled away from his or her civilian job to assist his neighbor in uniform. The civilian employer loses an employee and pays a price in productivity and profit — but all for the good of the community. When ongoing operations worldwide call upon the National Guard, the citizen Soldier is pulled away once again to assist. The civilian employer once again pays a price. The citizen Soldier risks life and blood but fully understands the greater good in all of it. The citizen Soldier knows that back home, his fellow citizens will cast their votes safely and freely. 

LTC Charles Sanders 

The post Letters to the Editor: A political survey appeared first on Riverhead News Review.

Of course, there’s nothing more true than the truth, but the myth is also true, if you take the old and, well, true meaning of the word. Myth in contemporary parlance means something false, whereas the original meaning is a story told to reveal a universal truth.

This parsing of language is appropriate as we celebrate one of the national holidays that has nothing to do with war or soldiers. It’s also not about individuals, like the birthdays of Lincoln and Washington, or remembering Martin Luther King Jr.; nor is it a day associated with religion, like Christmas.

This is where the power of myth surfaces. The stories handed down through generations — whether facts have been lost, obscured or tempered by time — reinforce what families and nations believe about the best part of themselves. And that best part of America is being grateful for what we have and sharing. Thanksgiving is the story every school child learns, passed down long ago, about the Native Americans, who besides teaching the Pilgrims to catch eels, also taught them to grow corn, and both communities sat down in peace and broke bread together.

We’re taught that we’re free, and we’re all equal, and so have a duty to give thanks.

The myth did grow out of actual facts, but it’s fairly certain the Pilgrims of Massachusetts didn’t just up and decide to hold the first Thanksgiving in 1621 and invite the Native Americans to dinner to thank them for their help in keeping their ’ community alive.

Early winter feasts giving thanks for a harvest that guaranteed survival and even comfort through the coldest months were common in Europe and America long before the Plymouth colony.

There might have been a roasted wild turkey or two at the Pilgrims’ dinner, but it wouldn’t have been the centerpiece. Venison and those eels would have taken that mouthwatering place, and pumpkin pie was likely not served. Cranberries would have been on the menu, but not as a relish.

What is certainly true about Thanksgiving is it’s a day every American knows is set aside to count blessings and remember an important element in the founding of our country.

People take what they will from the day. Arlo Guthrie hitched the holiday to the anti-war movement of the 1960s with “Alice’s Restaurant,” and Rush Limbaugh had his own tradition of retelling a story he dubbed, “The Real Story of Thanksgiving,” something about the battle between communism and the free enterprise system.

But, some facts: In 1863, Abraham Lincoln declared that our national day of Thanksgiving would be celebrated annually on the final Thursday of November. About a month after that proclamation, Lincoln spoke at the cemetery at Gettysburg, beginning his address by saying that we were a new nation “conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”

More than enough to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families from all of us at Times Review Media Group.

The post Editorial: The story of Thanksgiving appeared first on Riverhead News Review.

“Tell your sibling you’re sorry!”

Many parents have said this or a variation of it. It’s a parent’s early attempt at teaching a child to take responsibility for one’s actions and, as parents, of course, we all know that saying you’re sorry and feeling it may be very different. The latter is a more mature phase of human development.

Indeed, 100 years ago, Sigmund Freud developed the concept of the id, ego, and superego as a way of formulating personality structure. While many of his theories have been criticized and revamped over the years, the concept of an id, ego and superego remains a cornerstone of psychoanalytic thinking.

In a nutshell, the baby is born with an id, with only the interest of getting their basic needs met. Some needs may be survival-based (as in food or affection) and others may be pleasurebased (as in doing what they want). As the child grows and sees the world around them, reality sets in. This becomes the ego, a behavior system that understands that getting one’s needs met requires compromise, understanding of others and learning that certain behaviors will elicit negative responses.

Thus, telling your sibling you’re sorry is a reflection of a developing ego. But feeling actual remorse is the next phase, known as the superego. . In its most basic form, a superego is an internal sense of right and wrong — determined not by society or fear of punishment, but by its own personal barometer. The guilt that a parent may instill in a child becomes internalized, and a well-functioning adult is not driven by others’ condemnation, but by their own internal red light.

Unfortunately, this capability sometimes fails to develop. These people will not take responsibility for their behavior, and in not doing so tend to hurt those around them, whether they be family members, friends, or workplace associates. For these people, nothing is ever their fault. They find a way to blame everyone else for their own shortcomings, and most significantly, they do not seem to care if others are hurt by their actions.

Many of us know someone like this.. Some become criminals and others are manipulators who know how to find and hurt others. These people used to be the exception, but now they seem more prevalent.

These concepts made a lot of sense when I studied them in the 1970s. But it appears that in the 21st century, some of the old rules of right and wrong have blurred. Whereas feeling personal responsibility for wrongdoing was once held as an act of moral rectitude, more people now seem to view it as an act of weakness. This makes Freud’s theory less relevant.

In fact, some modern theorists are arguing that the traditional superego has been “emancipated,” allowing for a different standard of right and wrong. For example, psychoanalyst Janet Lieberman in her book “Clinical Evolutions and the Superego, Body and Gender in Psychoanalysis,” argues that there is a new superego where deception may go unpunished and greed and envy have increased. Technology has also changed the norms of what is considered acceptable behavior. While people used to be careful in how they spoke to each other, now it’s a free-for-all. In short, formerly accepted rules of integrity seems to be changing. And the old concept of guilt, that superego regulator, has now shifted to blame.

So, in this meaner world, how do you raise kids with a well-functioning superego? We want them to be kind, but we also want them to survive. Raising good children has always taken work, but in this era, it’s more challenging than ever. And what does a parent do when other parents’ main concern for their children is winning — no matter what.

First, a parent must continue to own their values on what is right and wrong. The world may be getting meaner, but the only way to stop it is to not succumb. Find like-minded parents whose values are also to teach right from wrong. If there is a bully in the group, all the parents should stand with the victim. There can never be too many discussions about the importance of kindness. Learn from the teacher who the kind kids are and encourage these friendships. The kind kids may not be the cool kids, but hopefully through conversations and good judgment, the right choices will prevail.

Modeling anti-racist behavior (yes, that still matters) and making it clear that all children are welcome will instill the kinds of values that make for a better community. Negativity heard in the home gets internalized. So does the ruthless winner-take-all attitude that has become so prevalent.

Once adolescence hits, that sweet child may become a stranger. Most important is to keep the lines of communication open. Teens often pretend they’re not listening, but in fact, they are. The old-fashioned values communicated in childhood may be rebelled against, but if that superego has developed, the rebellion will most likely be temporary.

Finally, back to taking responsibility for our actions. We all make mistakes and we all do bad things. Remember the adage that the cover-up is worse than the crime? Not owning up to bad behavior is worse. A healthy superego is never perfect. It knows right from wrong. And most importantly, it knows how to right a wrong.

Ms. Green is a social worker and co-chair of Shelter Island’s health and wellness committee.

The post Guest Spot: Nancy Green appeared first on Riverhead News Review.